in the gut

The cafe job goes full time tomorrow.

While I’m glad I don’t have to depend on my mom to help us out anymore (and thereby she can get out of sticking her nose in my business), in a way, I feel this is a last resort.

Like I’m not good enough for anything else.

In the past month, while trying to think of outside the box, I thought I had come up with some pretty good ideas on how to generate an income.

And they all require that stupid green and white stuff.

It fucking KILLS me that I KNOW, I KNOW I could make a small franchise business work. I have the sales background. I’m all over social media. I know how to figure out how to market said business and myself.

But I don’t have the start up capital. I can’t get a loan because I don’t have collateral. (Well, actually I do. My 401k. But I’m very hesitant to cash that out right now for this)

I’m looking into grants for older women for small business startups and while I probably have to do some more digging, it’s looking like most things are given to a business that’s already going.

I’m almost fucking fifty years old. Am I ever going to get a chance to not fuck something up?

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